Did I miss the page in the Twi Saga books where Steph wrote that Edward had three arms or where Bella was a circus performing contortionist??

Seriously! Explain to me how in the hell he can pick her up, press her against the wall with his warm body, eat her out and whisper dirty shit in her ear all at once?? C'mon now...I've seen some freaky porn with some ridiculously flexible bitches in my life but it ain't happening folks! Sorry!