"Everything inside me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the half-vampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was – my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self – disconnected from me in that second – snip, snip, snip – and floated up into space. I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was." - Jacob Black, Breaking Dawn.

*hangs head*
Lammy fail.
It's..well, now it's Sunday. This is Faithful FRIDAY...and it's Sunday. Fail on Lammy...but it's here none the less. No wittyness here today kids..

Pimp: Miztrezboo aka Lady Kassmett

Trick: The Bella Swan Diaries

Escort: Ninapolitan

Status: Complete

Realm: AU /AH

Chapters Completed: 29

Perfect Match: Edward/Bella

Why does this story deserve to be pimped:

My original plan for Faithful Fridays was to pimp the unknown, the little heard of. But when my TwiTriplets floored me with the news that they had never actually read the fic that coined the eternally used “HOT BITCH” phrase. I decided to bend the rules just a smidge.

I’ve started this review over three times now and to try and compact the absolute freakin EPICNESS of this fic into less than 300 words is virtually impossible. So, as the other triplets and even Momma E herself can attest to, your going to have to trust me on this. Because I do not EVER recc bad fic. In fact, most of the fics the girls recc are one’s I’ve read and loved or actually forced fed them with in the first place *cough* Lammy *cough*

So I’ll just leave you with phrases, moments if you will of the brilliance that are Ninapolitan…

The Four Horsemen of the Sexpocalypse, Forks Genital Hospital, A dildo named Edward, The Wolf, Seth in White Lingerie, Rick Astley and his Fedora, the EPIC chapter 21 we all waited on baited breath for because of the Wiener Slappage, Babes in Toyland wrapping paper and of course….

HOT BITCH aka Dr Carlisle Cullen

Enough said ;o)

LAMMY EDIT: Whilest I will admit I've yet to get around to reading The Bella Swan Diaries...anything with the Hot Bitch himself is worth a read...or maybe I'm just a bit biased

Pimp: Goldentemptress aka Momma E

Trick: Hydraulic Level 5

Escort: Gondolier

Status: Work in Progress

Realm: AH (All Human)

Chapters Completed: 12 as of 5/13

Perfect Match: Edward/Bella

Why this story is worthy of pimpage:

I found this fic yesterday when I was trolling through reader's favorites lists again.....that is the best way to find some awesome fics. This is a refreshing take on the whole concept of dealing with an ex. Bella is seeing ex-husband/childhood sweetheart/famous author Edward Cullen after seven years of separation for his sister Rosalie's wedding. The way that this story is structured is unique because in between every few chapters is an excerpt from a manuscript that Edward is working on. These chapters are really the only way that you get insight into Edward's point of view. Bella and Edward's relationship is fractured and neither of them are entirely happy with where their lives have gone, but they keep getting drawn back together. The side characters in the story are hilarious. The bad guy or gal I should say 'Charlotte' is the epitome of the society bitch you love to hate, and who doesnt love a snarky vengeful Leah every once and a while. I read all 12 chapters in one sitting and can't wait for more. The UST between B/E is palpable and I can't wait until something sparks it.....Overall, excellent fic, no smut yet, but with this amount of UST, I am sure it is coming.

Pimp: Bemylullaby aka Lammykins

Trick: Bada Bing, Bada Boom

Escort: Clichesbullet

Status: Work In Progress

Realm: AU

Chapters Complete: 9

Opposites Attract: Rachel and Paul

Why does this story deserve to be pimped:

Before you go on and read this fic, let me warn you now. Please, for the love all that’s Twilight, do not consume any food or drinks while reading. You might end up with said food and beverage all over your computer screen. It’s pee in your pants hilarious.

Continuing on with my mission to rec EVERY SIGLE cannon couple in the series, which let me tell you isn’t the easiest thing to do. Last week I brought you the lovely lives of Jared and Kim. Let’s keep the heat up and play a bit with Rachel and Paul.

“Bada Bing, Bada Boom” tell the story of poor, poor Paul who imprints on Rachel. Rachel being the bane of Paul’s childhood life. He compares her to the Anti-Christ. But when he sees her for the first time after he’s phased he’s in love. The story follows the two the days following the imprinting, telling Rachel, and the aftermath. Clichesbullet takes two characters that we don’t know too much about, makes them her own and actually does a pretty damn good job. Not to mention it’s laugh out loud, pee in your pants hilarious.

“I feel like a kid who got herself locked on a toy store!” She said with sparkling eyes. “What a coincidence!” I thought “I feel like a kid locked too! But in my case I’m with in a room with some weird Native American big boobed version of Linda Blair’s character on the “The Exorcist”!” Coming to think about it, Rachel really does have a nice breast… “I mean, there’s so much to learn and absolutely no limits...Paul! What are you looking at?”

Nothing says love like comparing the one person you’re destined for, the future mother of your children, the one person your world revolves around to The Exorcist. *sigh* Must be love. :D

Pimp: Nostalgicmiss aka Le Big eLLe

Trick: Heatwave

Escort: Ruby-Wednesday

Status: Complete

Realm: AU

Chapters Completed: 39

Perfect Match: Bella / Edward

Why does this story deserve to be pimped:

First, I will share the summary . . . When an unexpected Heatwave hits Forks, it allows Edward and Bella to leave their problems behind and have some fun! Set between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn.

Okay, I started this amazing story and read until I had caught up with positively no break, then when I followed it all the way through, I read it again. I don’t do that often, but this story compelled me to do it.

Bella and Edward are so engagingly playful and experimental in this fic, it’s just enchanting to follow them as they act like normal human teenagers with the ups and downs along the way. Let’s just say, Edward’s body temperature comes in handy.

The writing is amazing, detailed enough to paint the picture, but it still moves along almost too quickly. The interaction between not only the two main characters, but all of the secondary characters is unique but relative to the original story.

Outtake:

“I never feel more complete in myself than when I’m with Emmett.” said Rosalie, displaying a rarely seen softer side.

“It’s the same for all of us. You bring out the best in your partner .” said Alice.

I could only nod. I loved the way she said ‘us’ including me as part of their family. I was also delighted at the way we were bonding.

They were silent for a while as I thought over what they had said. I stared out to the lake, catching glimpses of the boys racing and whooping in the distance. I zoned out, not listening to the conversation Rose and Alice resumed. Illogically, I was missing Edward already. I started thinking about him, or more specifically the opportunities this beautiful lake could offer for some fun.